I've never met a man bold enough to ask me that. Most will just say it casually, "I'm ugly af but I'll treat you right" or some other stupid shit. Why? Because they want you to say "You're not ugly bae". Bullshit ass validation that they probably seek from every person they come into contact with. And I'm making it a general "they" instead of saying "he" because women do the same shit. I think most times that woman complain about men is because they are upset that men are capable of going through some of the same frustrating experiences as them, and it's definitely vice versa. People are very fucked up. For some reason I keep finding myself struggling to figure out if I'm a fucked up person or not. It's something that I think about a lot... but back on track. Today, well yesterday (it's 1:30 in the morning right now), I had barely even said hello to N's cousin before convincing myself that he was infatuated with me and that I should be flirty and text him. Welp, I definitely did that. And he ended up coming over. When he got here we talked with N before she left & he went to get what I now assume to have been the condom. We finally settled on some movie with Will Smith and a ogre looking thing. Barely watched the fucking movie because we were talking about one another. It's not that he didn't seem to be a great guy, cause he did. But I shouldn't have fucked him. I wasn't even feeling him THAT much. The sex was decent at least though. Mostly because he actually knows how to kiss. Definitely important to have a nigga with big soft lips. I think that Stephen will probably be some bomb ass sex. I'm waiting for him... at first I wasn't sure if I wanted to. I wasn't really sure if I wanted to try and make something serious of this. But why am I so against it? This man actually tries to fucking talk to me and I don't want to welcome the attention... isn't the attention that I said I wanted? More questions for another post. ALSO, I'm about to post a whole lot more. I have a lot of fucking thoughts, actually.
Today I went got tested for STDs again and got back on the depo shot. I feel like it's been long overdue and honestly the whole family aspect of life isn't what's important to me right now. What matters most is that I can get it together so I can become the lawyer and the overall woman that I aspire to be. I'm in college, that means eventually I want to have a career. I cannot be a successful woman if I do not start now. That might be where all of my issues are coming from. To begin, I think that I'm going to have to get consistent with my life and stay that way. I used to feel like the planned life was not enough for me. But living on a whim hasn't exactly made me the person that I want to be. Being who I am, which I believe is the person that I'm trying to get to, is going to be the most rewarding part of life. I'm looking forward to becoming Ms. Trenisha Stewart. She seems like a very bright young lady with a nice futu...
Comments
Post a Comment
I may not even read these but shoot.