I think that I may have just had a breakthrough and it's scary good... like... what if I haven't progressed.. okay not even what if. I haven't moved forward in life because I've been living it the same way this entire time. I've been too afraid to come out, too afraid to live life the right way. Scared of what people think I look like, sound like, talk/walk/breathe like. Paranoid about every single thing. And why? Because of a few failures? A few bad experiences? Who the fuck even does this shit? There are so many people that I think are on the same level of life as me but they're not. They're out there, confident, living in the real world. I'm not sure why I can't do the same thing. I think that I'm pretty amazing on the inside. But you know what? No one knows that. No one wants to be a part of who I am.. and that may just be because I don't want to be who I am. I need to figure out the solution to this. I could probably really change things. I'm feeling hopeful. I'm going to have to wake up and actually put forth some effort though.. which could be challenging.. but I think that I'm ready. I'm starting right now. It's done. I'm more than likely gonna write a bunch more tonight. I feel alive today.
I've never met a man bold enough to ask me that. Most will just say it casually, "I'm ugly af but I'll treat you right" or some other stupid shit. Why? Because they want you to say "You're not ugly bae". Bullshit ass validation that they probably seek from every person they come into contact with. And I'm making it a general "they" instead of saying "he" because women do the same shit. I think most times that woman complain about men is because they are upset that men are capable of going through some of the same frustrating experiences as them, and it's definitely vice versa. People are very fucked up. For some reason I keep finding myself struggling to figure out if I'm a fucked up person or not. It's something that I think about a lot... but back on track. Today, well yesterday (it's 1:30 in the morning right now), I had barely even said hello to N's cousin before convincing myself that he was...
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I may not even read these but shoot.