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Late Night Conversation

I think I reached a new level of confusion last night.  I didn't think that I would like being the type of female that I've been emulating lately.  It's like this version of myself (I'm calling her Penny) is a much more confident young lady.  Well... she's almost a woman.  If she learns how to stay motivated and do what she came to do she will be unstoppable.  Right now she's just getting warmed up.  I'm not actually upset.  I mean.. it's a little weird for me to be her, but I'm not disgusted.  I'm not angry.  I'm not even a little sad.  She's everything that I've wanted to be for so long.  She knows that she is beautiful and that her personality is amazing.  Penny knows that she controls a man's pleasure and that she is desirable.  Penny is living in a world outside of her mind.  A world that she is shaping every day.  Is this how other people live on the regular?  Should I start asking to find out?  I realized that sometimes I live inside of myself so much that I never ask for help when I truly need it.  I'm actually tired and ready to rest, so that's what I'm going to do.  I might come back later and add to this or just go over what I already have.  Alright then, later.

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