Skip to main content

I Do

Who wants that perfect love story anyway?  Me.  Because I deserve that shit.  I'm not sure if it's coming soon or not, but I'm trying to stay patient and let things go where they may.  Eric has been persistent enough, he seems passionate enough, definitely mature/smart enough.. I'm not trying to get my hopes up and end up disappointed though.  It's hard to stick with him & deal with all the not knowing.  I could've fucked Darrell... I mean I still can.. but I don't really want that.  I feel like I deserve more?  But I also want to have fun.  I'm going to take his advice and live life to the best of my ability from now on.  Everything and everyone seems to be temporary anyway.  Why not reap the benefits of life and enjoy it for as long as I can?  So I guess I'll see what I'm gonna do from here on out.  When I get off tonight I'm thinking of having D come over.  I've been putting love on a pedestal for far too long.  It's not worth losing my youngest and best years for.  I need to learn how to work on myself without shutting everything else out.  There's a lot that I want to accomplish and I may not be able to do that unless I truly focus.  So as of now, that's what I'm aiming to do.  Focus on being a brighter and better me.  On another note, I think my friendship with Endya is gonna be ending soon.  That girl is starting to irritate me in almost every sense of the word and her "friendship" has not benefited me in any way so far.  She's not even the kind of person that I want to associate with & if I'm going to be honest, she's not even that smart.  I have much bigger fish to fry and I'm going to do that to the very best of my ability.  I've said everything that I've wanted to say for now, so I'm going to use the rest of my time at home to do something.. I'm not exactly sure what.  But it's going to be something.

Comments

Post a Comment

I may not even read these but shoot.

Popular posts from this blog

Do You Think I'm Ugly?

I've never met a man bold enough to ask me that.  Most will just say it casually, "I'm ugly af but I'll treat you right" or some other stupid shit.  Why?  Because they want you to say "You're not ugly bae".  Bullshit ass validation that they probably seek from every person they come into contact with.  And I'm making it a general "they" instead of saying "he" because women do the same shit.  I think most times that woman complain about men is because they are upset that men are capable of going through some of the same frustrating experiences as them, and it's definitely vice versa.  People are very fucked up.  For some reason I keep finding myself struggling to figure out if I'm a fucked up person or not.  It's something that I think about a lot...  but back on track.  Today, well yesterday (it's 1:30 in the morning right now), I had barely even said hello to N's cousin before convincing myself that he was...
Post a Comment
Read more

06/22 Friday

Today I went got tested for STDs again and got back on the depo shot.  I feel like it's been long overdue and honestly the whole family aspect of life isn't what's important to me right now.  What matters most is that I can get it together so I can become the lawyer and the overall woman that I aspire to be.  I'm in college, that means eventually I want to have a career.  I cannot be a successful woman if I do not start now.  That might be where all of my issues are coming from.  To begin, I think that I'm going to have to get consistent with my life and stay that way.  I used to feel like the planned life was not enough for me.  But living on a whim hasn't exactly made me the person that I want to be.  Being who I am, which I believe is the person that I'm trying to get to, is going to be the most rewarding part of life.  I'm looking forward to becoming Ms. Trenisha Stewart.  She seems like a very bright young lady with a nice futu...
Post a Comment
Read more

Breakthrough or Nah?

I think that I may have just had a breakthrough and it's scary good... like... what if I haven't progressed.. okay not even what if.  I haven't moved forward in life because I've been living it the same way this entire time.  I've been too afraid to come out, too afraid to live life the right way.  Scared of what people think I look like, sound like, talk/walk/breathe like.  Paranoid about every single thing.  And why?  Because of a few failures?  A few bad experiences?  Who the fuck even does this shit?  There are so many people that I think are on the same level of life as me but they're not.  They're out there, confident, living in the real world.  I'm not sure why I can't do the same thing.  I think that I'm pretty amazing on the inside.  But you know what?  No one knows that.  No one wants to be a part of who I am.. and that may just be because I don't want to be who I am.  I need to figure out the solu...
Post a Comment
Read more