Lately I've been talking to this guy named Eric and he's been making me think a lot. Yesterday he told me that I should evaluate the people in my life and see how I truly feel about them, how they benefit me, etc. So here I am. Gonna dedicate this entire post to figuring out how I feel about the people in my life.
If I'm going to be real, there aren't that many people to evaluate because most of the people that I have been interacting with are assholes that I met on Tinder, which is not the place for women like me and I definitely get that now. Will I stop using it? I'm not sure. But I think that I should, so I'm definitely going to give cutting it out a try.
Truthfully speaking, I can list the people that I have to assess:
Rodj - Lowkey starting to not want to fuck with her because she's annoying as hell. She's fake as fuck. And she just all around gets on my fucking nerves. I know that I have some self-maintenance to do but damn, I'm not even sure she can self manage. Every time I talk to her I feel the energy being drained from my soul and it's getting to be too much of a hassle. I don't even enjoy hanging out with her for the most part, just the weed.
Endya - Mid-key tired of her shit too. She's selfish as fuck, she's a con artist, and she's annoying too. Her and her lil fucking pet of a boyfriend. I really don't understand how I've managed to put up with her for so long. And honestly? It's probably because I was tired of being alone. But knowing her has become work, a chore, a fucking disaster. I'm definitely going to be distancing myself from her. It's not like knowing her has brought me any peace anyway.
Mom - I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to feel about this woman. Everything she's done and has put me through is a major part of the reason why I go through the shit that I do. Destroyed my self esteem, any confidence I had in myself, basically destroyed me as a person. And the fucked up part is that she doesn't care. Because I'm sure she knows it. She has to know it. And she keeps calling me to stress me out about her fucking problems like I'm her mom & not the other way around! It's complete bullshit. It's annoying. It's stressful. I haven't been answering her calls and I feel like it's for good reason. I want to love her but I'm not sure if I can.
Jaree - I don't ever feel bad about ignoring her calls because I've been feeling like she's a shitty friend for the longest time. And you know what? She knows it too. I mean look at our "friendship". She only calls me when she wants to talk about some shit that she knows I won't tell anyone because I don't fuck with anyone. I feel like that about a lot of people. They want to talk to me like I'm some fucking secret-keeping vault! This girl never is there for me, barely even tries to be there if she is. Ain't shit and I'm done with her too.
Robert - On some real shit, I fuck with Robert. He did me wrong and he knows that, he owned up to it, he admitted it, we've moved our friendship past it. This man has consistently been there for me, he doesn't judge me, and he's always supportive of what I want to do. Definitely my best friend and I love him. I'm not gonna fall off with him again, gotta keep that shit going for as long as possible. It's nice to have a light at the end of the tunnel. Something to look forward to. And that's what our friendship feels like.
TahGee - I know I've said it many times before but I think that this time I honestly have to let him go... I thought that's what I wanted from the beginning, but once the freedom high came down and I started to notice how life was going without him, I thought that I could talk to him.. well I thought that I should because I thought that he would care for me and help me to feel better. But he did what he knew how and he kicked me while I was down. Made me feel like I was nothing on the phone with him yesterday. Just the tone in his voice, full of disgust, like I was wasting his time. That hurt. But maybe I needed that hurt. Maybe that's what I needed to realize so that I could move on. I love him so much, but we're not good for each other and clearly we're not meant to be together. It is what it is... or it was what it was. Either way, I'm trying to make this the last that I speak of him.
If I'm going to be real, there aren't that many people to evaluate because most of the people that I have been interacting with are assholes that I met on Tinder, which is not the place for women like me and I definitely get that now. Will I stop using it? I'm not sure. But I think that I should, so I'm definitely going to give cutting it out a try.
Truthfully speaking, I can list the people that I have to assess:
Rodj - Lowkey starting to not want to fuck with her because she's annoying as hell. She's fake as fuck. And she just all around gets on my fucking nerves. I know that I have some self-maintenance to do but damn, I'm not even sure she can self manage. Every time I talk to her I feel the energy being drained from my soul and it's getting to be too much of a hassle. I don't even enjoy hanging out with her for the most part, just the weed.
Endya - Mid-key tired of her shit too. She's selfish as fuck, she's a con artist, and she's annoying too. Her and her lil fucking pet of a boyfriend. I really don't understand how I've managed to put up with her for so long. And honestly? It's probably because I was tired of being alone. But knowing her has become work, a chore, a fucking disaster. I'm definitely going to be distancing myself from her. It's not like knowing her has brought me any peace anyway.
Mom - I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to feel about this woman. Everything she's done and has put me through is a major part of the reason why I go through the shit that I do. Destroyed my self esteem, any confidence I had in myself, basically destroyed me as a person. And the fucked up part is that she doesn't care. Because I'm sure she knows it. She has to know it. And she keeps calling me to stress me out about her fucking problems like I'm her mom & not the other way around! It's complete bullshit. It's annoying. It's stressful. I haven't been answering her calls and I feel like it's for good reason. I want to love her but I'm not sure if I can.
Jaree - I don't ever feel bad about ignoring her calls because I've been feeling like she's a shitty friend for the longest time. And you know what? She knows it too. I mean look at our "friendship". She only calls me when she wants to talk about some shit that she knows I won't tell anyone because I don't fuck with anyone. I feel like that about a lot of people. They want to talk to me like I'm some fucking secret-keeping vault! This girl never is there for me, barely even tries to be there if she is. Ain't shit and I'm done with her too.
Robert - On some real shit, I fuck with Robert. He did me wrong and he knows that, he owned up to it, he admitted it, we've moved our friendship past it. This man has consistently been there for me, he doesn't judge me, and he's always supportive of what I want to do. Definitely my best friend and I love him. I'm not gonna fall off with him again, gotta keep that shit going for as long as possible. It's nice to have a light at the end of the tunnel. Something to look forward to. And that's what our friendship feels like.
TahGee - I know I've said it many times before but I think that this time I honestly have to let him go... I thought that's what I wanted from the beginning, but once the freedom high came down and I started to notice how life was going without him, I thought that I could talk to him.. well I thought that I should because I thought that he would care for me and help me to feel better. But he did what he knew how and he kicked me while I was down. Made me feel like I was nothing on the phone with him yesterday. Just the tone in his voice, full of disgust, like I was wasting his time. That hurt. But maybe I needed that hurt. Maybe that's what I needed to realize so that I could move on. I love him so much, but we're not good for each other and clearly we're not meant to be together. It is what it is... or it was what it was. Either way, I'm trying to make this the last that I speak of him.
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